It was a serious offence to carry the hydrometer from warehouse to warehouse without it being in its protective wooden case. One officer did so but accidentally dropped the hydrometer resulting in serious damage. In an attempt to cover his mistake, he dashed into the office, grabbed the wooden case on his desk and then instructed a lorry driver to drive over it.

His intention was to explain to his superior that he dropped the case with the hydrometer in it and a lorry had crushed it before he could pick it up. Imagine his consternation when he discovered that he had grabbed the "Standard" from his desk and was now the guardian of two useless hydrometers.

It was essential that the working hydrometer was measured against the standard hydrometer on a regular basis, usually weekly and I recall one warehouse complex where the manager was summoned on a Friday afternoon and set the task of providing the large double tube with a suitably aged whisky that would allow the Excise officer to use the heaviest weight, meaning that the whisky had been in cask for several years and the strength then reduced to that which would be potable and probably palatable as well.

The manager reappeared after a suitable interval and produced the tube of dark brown liquid for the officer to carry out his comparison. He tried the third heaviest weight with no success, then the second heaviest with the same result. Believing that he had been given the oldest whisky in the warehouse, he then attached the heaviest weight in the box. The result was the same: the hydrometer would not sink. The twinkle in the eye of the manager and his wide grin revealed the truth:- he had filled the double tube with cold tea in the belief that the officer had the intention of taking a well matured whisky home for the weekend. As if he would!!

The tee was at the opposite end. Perfect place to practice my swing.

Of course, our day job was making sure all spirit and whisky was accounted for, but the distillery boys were also colleagues and it was necessary to keep a good working relationship. This could be aided by allowing them time to measure strength of maturing whisky, i.e. a little taster. I held one key and the head warehouseman would hold the other, and only together could we enter into a warehouse. On occasions I would let the warehousemen know that I would go for a smoke, allowing them the time it took to smoke a cigarette by the door (this was before all the health and safety rules) to “test” the whisky. Therefore I can honestly say that I have never witnessed anyone removing any whisky - nor have I ever smoked.

But on Friday afternoons or Saturday mornings, yes we used to work till noon on Saturdays, I requested a sample, a litre or so, of mature whisky to be delivered to my office. This was required to test or calibrate the hydrometers. I never once used new make spirit to test my equipment, but preferably well mature whisky that had been near a sherry cask. Much like the WaterProof style. My colleagues all did the same in the area and we all used to meet at a pub in Dufftown to exchange stories and whisky. 

To relieve the boredom, one RA took it upon himself to bring back the lustre to the hydrometers which had acquired a patina of malt whisky during their years of use. He lovingly polished the working and standard hydrometers with Brasso rendering each gleaming; resplendent; useless. The weight of the instruments had been so radically altered by his action that neither was capable of measuring the specific gravity of the spirit.

The brass hydrometers became redundant on the first day of January 1980 when the industry and officialdom went metric. Out went proof gallons and brass hydrometers and in their place came litres of alcohol and a set of glass hydrometers housed in a foam-lined briefcase which looked remarkably similar on the top and bottom sides. One officer discovered to his dismay on the first day of use that a small label indicating TOP would be a sensible addition when he inadvertently opened the briefcase upside down and six brand new glass hydrometers went crashing to the floor. Ooops!!!!!